8:41p.m.

the side of my left hand is hurting. i flew into sudden rage and agony that i punch the door with full force 3 times with the side of my left hand. i've never been overwhelmed by this sudden anguish and upset b4...my left hand is trembling on its own now. it's hurting like mad. my mum came home and scolded me for not answering the phone...6 missed calls. but how? i did not hear anything. and i certainly would hav picked up cos this hadn't been the first time...i was planning to giv her a big hug cos i was so stressed out and so worried for music, i had occasional panic attacks. i really needed the comfort but this is all she could give me....1st thing she did ask when i call her. 'was today's test easy??' 'when's the nxt test?' i totally got slapped by her right in the face. i..i...forget it man, i'm giving up. i will remain shut from now onwards and i'll not be affected by any emotions or interfere with anything...i'm washing my hands off the outside world.
letting go,
vanessa

fri, 9/10/09, cloudy.study.

hmm...feels bored as usual. i hate texting, hate msn, hate talking on the phone....super pissed again. i'm worrying nxt mon's music presentation...it will be really boring anyways. not effective. not good enough. still, i've got a partner who dun hav a clue on what's going on and who leaves everything to me. obviously she doesn't listen in class....emo freak. who thinks that she's really gd in singing that she sang this tune very softly when i 'scolded' her. it's really emo..i guess she's sick in the mind. I HATE SCHOOL. i've never been so mean b4
:( i guess there's something wrong with me. ahhh!!! i can't stand it!

anxious like hell.
vanessa.