8:41p.m.

the side of my left hand is hurting. i flew into sudden rage and agony that i punch the door with full force 3 times with the side of my left hand. i've never been overwhelmed by this sudden anguish and upset b4...my left hand is trembling on its own now. it's hurting like mad. my mum came home and scolded me for not answering the phone...6 missed calls. but how? i did not hear anything. and i certainly would hav picked up cos this hadn't been the first time...i was planning to giv her a big hug cos i was so stressed out and so worried for music, i had occasional panic attacks. i really needed the comfort but this is all she could give me....1st thing she did ask when i call her. 'was today's test easy??' 'when's the nxt test?' i totally got slapped by her right in the face. i..i...forget it man, i'm giving up. i will remain shut from now onwards and i'll not be affected by any emotions or interfere with anything...i'm washing my hands off the outside world.
letting go,
vanessa